Going Old School

They Still Exist!

On a recent adventure to Fox Valley Mall, I noticed this childhood gem: Orange Julius. This place was the ultimate chill spot, where the general masses saw the first appearance of smoothies and energy drinks! However, when you're 10 years old it came with a heavy price! Only the cool kids got to hang out at the OJ.

And its a good thing those cool kids didn't hang out with the real OJ, who knows what kind of violent youth gangs they would have joined. Alas! I did not get my chance to cause havoc, gossip with the ladies of middle school, or taste the sweet orange nectar of the gods! When I turned 13, I was denied access because my archenemies, The Man, decided to close the place down. Damn him! Didn't he realize that Orange Julius would be my claim to fame? Did he even think about how many poor acne infested teens would be out of a job? I mean, who'd you think would pay for all those gallons of Aqua Net hair spray, Mommy and Daddy?

*Sigh, by the time high school came along, I was just another face in the sun! Come to think about it, when I saw this place I didn't even bother to get a drink there. I figured it was a good time to let it go, it would be my white whale, my holy grail... just seeing it was worth it all. I can die now!

Seeing Red

I'd like to thank the many cool kids of NIU for coming out and checking out my workshop. It was good turn out and I got to get into a debate about Psylocke, what more could a comic book geek want!

Last week I bought a copy of Essential: The Mighty Thor Vol. 1 This graphic novel highlights Thor's earlier adventures. The book presents a modern audience to simpler times, when ladies wore skirts and men wore suits all year round! But what I find most entertaining about this book is the blatant Anti-communism propaganda. That's right! Thor wasn't just the Norse god of Thunder and Ass Kicking, but also a defender against those...

Damn Commie Bastards!

For the Love of Lenin!

Just like a bull is to a matador, every time Blondie saw Red he'd charge forward making sure to deliver his brand of ass whoop in a bottle! I mean look at the picture above, he couldn't even fly but that wouldn't stop him from smashing the crap out of that Russian Jet!

The Commies couldn't even figure him out! I mean if you were attacked by a Six foot tall, handsome, blonde haired man who just happens to speak Old English, wouldn't you be a little confused. Not to mention he's swinging his Hammer like a yo-yo, I'd be a little hesitant to fire a gun on this guy! Plus, it doesn't help that he's (at least by 60s standards) a dream boat. I mean even if he saying all those: Nays and Thys, the man is the original Mc Steamy! I think it his blue eyes or maybe its that look he has, you know the one that makes you feel like everything is going to be okay... enough! I'm comfortable with my manliness, are you comfortable with yours?


At any rate I think the following picture just sums it all up:

Farewell! I no longer believe in our American way of life! I'm going behind the iron curtain to serve the Reds -John

Talk about the worst way to break up with your significant other. I mean you could have ran away with her best friend or ended up being in love with her father. Instead you run away with your lover, Communist Russia!? Wow, that's going leave that woman with a serious complex and something to talk about at the beauty parlor:

Sylvia: That's right he left me for Mother Russia.

Beautician: Honey, You can do better! I know of this Blonde Hair guy who's not only handsome, but he can also swing a hammer... if you know what I mean.

I'll leave you to ponder that for a moment, because as we can continue on next week I'll be showing you another unsung hero of the Red Menace! And don't worry Thor will be there too. So for now sleep tight and just dream about You, Thor, and a walk on the beach... not saying there's anything wrong with that...

Okay! Bye...


Amol said...

Did you hear about OJ's pay-per-view show called 'Juiced'? Like Punk'd, if Ashton Kutcher were black. And a murderer.

Malaya said...

People should read this.