Please Call Dr. Mario!

All my glands are hurt and I'm bleeding!

Sigh!, I've been infected... My nose oozes clear Sinus Lava, my eyes feel like ripe Grapefruits, and I'm shivering like an old man waiting for the Grim Reaper. Wrath of the gods! How could such a mortal illness befall such a super guy! I blame the elderly and babies, alas they are too much of a foe for me to handle.

They say a person should use his or her weakness to make them stronger. You know like that ol' Daredevil fellow. He may be as blind as naked mole rats, but he could beat up your every day Street Hustla in a New York Minute.

But how can I, lowly Benhur Calaguas, use my Common Cold as a weapon of justice? Maybe I can sneeze on my adversaries or at least I can vomit on their dead parents' graves! But lets be honest, I don't think my new persona, The Savage Sick Man, will raise any eyebrows. I mean although my Fortress of Solitude would be my bed in the shape of a pillow fort, I don't think I'd have very many archenemies. Maybe this guy...

He is a Doctor!

Iron My Pants!

Okay, so folks last week I said we were going to talk about Iron Man and we will. But before I do so lets say some nice things about him!

Tony Starks, the man behind the suit, is rich! And as you know rich superheroes always get what they want: women, cars, boats, everything... this includes Orphans! Don't believe me just look a such hot Super celebs like Batman, Green Arrow, Scrooge McDuck (Who remembers that Duck Tales Episode?)! The fictional rich get what they want and if they want to fight crime, so be it!

Also, Ol' Ironsides is coming out with a movie! Now, don't base that off of his popularity, the forces that be did give us that awful Elektra and I didn't think she was that popular! But hey its Iron Man he's one of Marvel Comics's star players! He even hunted down the oh so elusive Stilt-Man during the 90s Armor Wars series!

And just to set the record straight, "I'm not teasing Iron Man because I've been brainwashed by the current Civil War series!"

The Truth

Like'em or love'em, Iron Man is what he is, a rich man with fancy gadgets! Kidding! Any way, the point of the matter is to show how Asians fit into the mix. Well it begins with a real war, the Cold War! Just like in the Golden Age of comic books where editors used World War II as a means of building fantastic plots and creating amazing characters, the developing Cold War was the perfect base to build elaborate story arcs.

And who'd be perfect to represent America's Fighting Force, but good ol' Arms Industrialist Tony Starks. However, even with his money, it won't stop him from taking that tragic trip to Asia!

We stop here folks, because I'm going to faint and perhaps cry myself to sleep. Which means I'm going to curl up, watch Princess Bride, and wish I could be the Dread Pirate Roberts!

Join us next week as we meet The Guru and Some Commie Bullies!

Greet me well or revel in my suffering by writing me a comment...

1 comment:

Amol said...

Hilarious, Benhur. I especially like the last article about stuffing candy down your pants. Keep it up.